Tongue-in-cheek tips for folks stressed out by Cupid’s holiday

Dear Dr. Love,

I need help! I forgot Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I don’t have a gift. We’ve been together for three months, and I don’t want to go over the top, but I also don’t want to just buy cheap chocolates!!! Any advice would be appreciated.

-Foolish & Forgetful

Dear F&F,

Oh, this is bad. Better late than never, though, so let’s go [cracks knuckles]. First, drop everything and text your boo something cute! Compliments are key. OK, now that’s covered, and we’re gonna need some time to stall.

Text your boo’s bestie and ask them to keep them busy while you set everything up. This is not the time to be picky about cheap or cliché. Hit up the closest dollar store for chocolates, and go to Walgreens for roses. Dinner is where you gotta upgrade, so NOT fast-food. I’m talking white tablecloth, five-star. You know, one step above Olive Garden.

Best of luck,

Dr. Love

Dear Lucky,

My girlfriend broke up with me the week before Valentine’s Day and now I’m heartbroken and alone. Any ideas for which movies I should cry and eat ice cream to?

-Sad S.A.D. Participant

Dear Sad,

Oof, this is a rough one. It’s especially hard to be newly single when it seems like the world is celebrating being boo’d up. Single Awareness Day (SAD) might be a joke to everyone else, but this is the opportunity to buy chocolate in bulk at the post-holiday sales.

Since you’ve got no one you need to impress, why not get sloppy in front of your favorite show? Wear your pj’s. Eat junk food. This is the time to treat yourself! Olive Garden, anyone? Also, a possible alternative, remember dating apps are a thing…

Hugs,

Lucky